Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
