threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
