the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
