listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
