i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
