please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
