So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
