That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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