You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize