What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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