you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
