Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
