Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When are your genitals available?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize