hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
