I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
