I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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