Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
