if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is Oprah even human
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
