The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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