yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
