Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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