Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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