Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
