wakey wakey hands off snakey
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
