Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Life is so much better after having sex.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
