Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
