I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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