I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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