in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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