Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
