I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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