it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
