I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
