Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
