have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
