9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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