I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
