did you get engaged???
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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