If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
