ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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