3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
