The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
