I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
