'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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