What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
