i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
