So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
