do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
