saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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