Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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