Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
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