my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize