I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
