i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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