wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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