I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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