I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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