His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
