Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
