I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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