Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
