all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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