I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
