You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
