can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
