I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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