the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
