Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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