I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize